When "Good Enough" Will Do

So I’ve been neglecting my blog. And as I see some of my HU sisters pick up their blogging efforts – in fields regarding the empowerment of women and finance – I think it’s past time that I get back to writing. The reason I created this blog was to talk about “my journey”: not just in pageants, but in real life. Today, my manager and I had a heart to heart and he said something to me that I thought worth sharing with you all.

I cannot recall his exact words, but he told me that: a success may not be at my level of success, but it can still be a success.

What does this mean?

Those who know me best know that I can be very particular…. In short, some may say I am a perfectionist. I like to get things done – correctly, timely, and, usually, I like to go ‘above and beyond’ what I am asked to do. The great thing about this is thatit has worked for me: it gets me noticed with management and my peers know they can count on me to carry my weight and help us all look good. I catch the small ‘mistakes’ and I’m good at listening to exactly what someone wants in a deliverable. But, as you might guess, not everything about being a perfectionist is fun. The harsh reality is that as I move forward in my career,deliverables I work on are not always only dependent on me: I will have to rely on others to perform, as well. And though they may perform, they won’t always – or even usually – perform to MY level of expectation. That is frustrating.

It is at frustrating moments like this, that I must remind myself (or pray that I have a manger who is kind enough to gentlyremind me) that I cannot always have things my way. I cannot expect people to do what I would do. I cannot get myself worked up over people who will not do things the way I believeis best. What I can do is be confident that I have done my best and that I have supported my team to the best of my ability. Because even though the deliverable isn’t perfect, it’s “good enough” and sometimes that will just have to do.

So Tell Me Why You're Really Mad

I recently read an article that talked about the "stupidity" of Beyonce's lyrics to her song "Partition." I will admit here that as many times as I've heard "Partition" it's one of those songs that I can't actually catch the words to - so I had no idea what the song was about. The author of said article explained that the song is describing Beyoncé asking the driver to raise the partition in the limo so that she could give fellatio to her man. The author has decided that the lyrics are "stupid" because they aren't clever enough to subtle. Did you ever consider that B wasn't trying to be subtle? That she wanted to be blunt or only have a few "play on words." The author goes on to call the song (and by proxy its lyrics) degrading and inappropriate, among other things.

So, tell me why you're really mad.
Are you mad because a grown woman wrote a song about giving a guy head?
Are you mad because a married, grown woman wrote a song about giving head to her husband?
Or are you truly mad because she didn't take the time to romantically or cunningly describe fellatio instead of putting it as bluntly as she did?

Some of you believe that Beyoncé is now trying to play into the media and become more sensual. Did you ever consider that she grew up and came in touch with her sensual self?

I would hardly call myself a Beyoncé fan (or even a fan of music, as any of my close friends will tell you); but, some of you need to chill. Beyoncé is now 30 or 40-something - she's no longer the teen of Destiny's Child. She has a husband who she loves. And a side of her that she clearly hasn't felt ready to share with the world until now.

I don't see how having sex or sexual relations with the man you have married is degrading or inappropriate. Allowing your twelve year old to listen to it, though - yeah, that's inappropriate. Expecting Beyoncé, Miley Cyrus, or Katie Perry to be role models for your children...that's what I would call stupid. People spend too much time blaming other people for their problems. Kids are running amuck these days and it's society's fault. Where are the parents? The teachers? The community leaders. It's their JOB to be role models. Beyoncé, Miley, and Katie...it's the JOB to be entertainers. (Whether you allow them to entertain you or educate you or influence you...that's your prerogative.)

So, please, tell me why you're really mad.

I'm mad because people seem to worship the ground Beyoncé walks on and I can't tell why. When she secretly released her album several months ago it made the morning news. Like really? Is it that serious? We are obsessed with her child. Everyone curiously upset about the name "Blue Ivy," like "Beyoncé" is a common name or something. Some people act like Beyoncé has personally enriched their lives.... But when I look at her I feel like she has the power to do so much more: to sponsor a program that empowers young girls, to go do some community service (and writing a check doesn't count), I want to see her out changing people's lives actively. And it's funny because it was her song "I Was Here," that made me think of how much she isn't "here." Now, don't get me wrong - she may be out doing something, because like I said I'm not exactly a fan, so I don't follow her every move. But perception is reality. And I'm just calling it as I see it. But, like I said...it's not her job to do community service...but a girl can hope, can't she?

----
After writing the first draft of this blog, and sharing it with a friend, I do believe I'm willing to bend on one of my statements above. Beyoncé's ability to release an album without any of its content being leaked in today's world may be some type of a miracle....therefore, making it news appropriate. Lol   .

Believe in Valentine's Day

Last year, one of my best male friends told me that he didn't "believe in" Valentine's Day. I was like how do you not believe in a holiday? But I suppose it's like those who don't "believe in" Halloween.... but it's Valentine's Day. You know: the hearts, the love. What's there not to believe in? The interesting thing was that a few weeks passed and this same friend sent me a text on Feb. 14th to wish me a happy Valentine's Day. (I still have it saved on my phone, lol.) "Happy Valentine's day to the woman who has always been there for me..." After gushing and thanking him for the thoughtful text, I reminded him that this was the very holiday that he did not believe in... His response was, "I still don't believe in Valentine's, but you are important to me.”

This brings me to my first point: I believe that there is a good chunk of people out there who think they don't believe in Valentine's Day, but maybe it's just that they haven't had someone to open their eyes to the potential. February 14th shouldn't be about stress, or flowers, or late-night candle-lit dinners. It's about reminding the people around you, those who matter – like my friend did for me – that they are important to you. It's about expressing love. And no, expressing your heart-felt feelings doesn’t just happen one day a year, but if the country wants to set aside a day to that, I don't see the harm.

I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge that social media plays a bit into the feelings of the young men and women of my generation. I have heard repeatedly in the past week about how men know that women will be comparing what their significant others get them for Valentine's. Facebook, twitter, and Instagram will tell it all -- Amy's man surprised her with roses in the office, took her to a five-star restaurant downtown, and then whisked her away for a weekend in beautiful wine country. Bethany's engaged now. Oh, and Susan – who has only been dating George for like 2 months – posted that her new beau planned “the most romantic evening she's ever had.” Now, whether women are posting these pics and statuses to let every other women know how much their man loves them...or if it's to rub it in the faces of all her haters *shrugs,* I don't know. But, I would like to hope they are doing it because what their man did for them made them happy – and I'd rather people share happy stories on social media than sad ones (Lord, knows we could use more happiness).

But with all this posting, it's no wonder that men freak out when it comes to this holiday. If the holiday disappeared off the calendar in 2015 I strongly doubt their hearts would break – heck, some may not even notice, lol. My best friend once told me that he worries, because he feels like every year he’s supposed to top what he did the previous year. Talk about exhausting! And for all this effort exerted by men, how much are women doing to reciprocate?

And for those women who do try and romance their sweeties... I've read a few articles and posts today: giving up the goods, apparently, doesn't count as a present. (LOL, I'm just saying.) I know that some of us have sat down and tried to think "What do you get a man on Valentine's Day...?" While racking our brains for an answer, did it ever occur to us to just ask him what he might want? Maybe he'd rather not celebrate Valentine's Day, lol. Or maybe, a round of golf with the guys, or like my co-worker told me today, he wants to attend a concert. (The problem is his girlfriend isn't into the band that he wants to see. When I suggested celebrating Valentine's Day on Saturday instead, it was like a novel idea, smh.) But then I wondered if enough other women thought like me, and would be okay with celebrating Valentine's Day a day late, because their boyfriend wanted to go to a concert or whatever other reason there might be.

Some women may not even want to celebrate the holiday, either. (I have found that it’s not just men who feel some type of way towards this holiday.) I have a female friend who isn't big into Valentine’s – and she’s currently in a relationship. I have another friend who’s allergic to flowers (I know her boyfriend is happy about not having that expense). And, I have a friend who is allergic to chocolate… Now only if we could combine the 3 of them into 1 hybrid woman, then the world would be an interesting, and less stressful place (haha). But, the point I’m trying to make is that maybe your women isn't as stressed about this Valentine’s Day hoopla as you think she might be: so, ask her.

Now some of you reading this may be single. Good for you! You don't have to deal with what some would call the "drama" of Valentine's Day. But, some of you may wish you did have this drama. To you I say, remember that when you do get into a relationship. Remember that desire you have today to share a day of love with someone, and when you’re given the opportunity in the future don’t mess it up. In the meantime, celebrate Singles' Awareness Day. Buy yourself a box of chocolates, watch the movie you want to watch, treat yourself to something, or *shrugs,* try a blind date. Now, I'm not trying to be insensitive: of course you're allowed to feel lonely and wish you had someone to go out with on the 14th, but it's just not your year yet. And for a holiday that so many don't believe in anyways – there are worse things than not having a dinner companion on Friday.

Valentine's Day should be about letting important people in our lives know how much we love them – not about raising the bar on a holiday, showering people with material things, or showing off for others.

Happy Valentine's Day to all you: non-believers and believers alike. Now go tell someone they are important to you and that you love them.

XOXO

13 Lessons of 2013

I wanted to post something ‘theme-like’ for the new year. I don’t have a resolution I want to share (as I have learned from the past that I will make one and forget what it was by February or March). And I don’t believe that the new year will bring about a “new me.” --- I do pray that I will continue to grow closer to the Lord, that I will remain an excellent employee and supportive girlfriend, and that I will always to look for ways to challenge myself. 

Today, I just wanted to share some lessons that I learned (or was reminded of) during 2013:

1. Plan ahead – a day, a week, a year… it helps.
2. Believe in second chances: for yourself, and for others.
3. Being your best may not mean being the best. (And sometimes that is okay.)
4. Everything happens for a reason.
5. You teach people how to talk to/treat you.
6. If you are sick, take a sick day. (After all, that is what sick days are meant for.)
7. Learn to love yourself first, only then can you truly learn to love another.
8. Loving someone and being in love with someone…those are two separate emotions.
9. Have something in your life that you do, just for you.
10. If you want something – you may just have to ask for it.
11. Have some self-respect.
12. It is more important that you respect me, than it is that you like me.
13. Once in a while… have a glass of wine, close your eyes, and don’t think…about anything at all.

Leave me some comments…what did you learn in 2013?