My mother has been telling me for years (as a mother should) that I am beautiful. And, somewhere in college, I truly began to believe it. As the years have gone by my definition of beauty (isn't that a pageant question??) has evolved. It has encompassed the idea of feeling comfortable in your own skin; the idea that true beauty is not seen with the eye, but felt with the heart; and beauty to me, has been, making others feel beautiful as well. Tara Wheeler always said, "Beauty is as beauty does." But, most recently I have found another source of beauty: true joy.
Now, joy and happiness - to me - are not exactly the same; but, for the sake of this entry, I'll just say that joy is a deeper type of happiness that comes from within. My own joy, comes from the love of my Heavenly Father and knowing that no matter what trials and temptations I face, He is with me. If I have learned anything in the past year, it has been that there is always a way and that I must be patient, because things will happen when and how they are suppose to.
My move to Northern Virginia (NoVA) technically meant I could "start over," "reinvent myself" and no one here would know any better. But, I like me and realized that without my usual group of friends and acquaintances I would have to come to really love me. So I focused on feeding my needs: finding a church fed my spiritual needs; joining the gym for my physical and mental health; and, starting a Mint.com account for my financial well-being. But then, why not be spontaneous (in a sense) and try something totally new? So, I joined the flag-football team at work (I shocked everyone at home because I have never played on a sports team in 23 years of living), I forced myself to prepare a few meals (I don't cook - see my 8/7/12 post, "Feeding My Inner-Fat Lady"), and I started buying things I liked - without wondering if someone else would approve of them. All together, the happiness I felt from being in control of my life and the sense of calm I got from knowing that ultimately God was really in control began to transform my outlook on life. And apparently, this new feeling is showing on the outside...
I guess I have found my beauty.