My Miss Virginia United States 2014 Farewell Speech

I can hardly believe that a year has passed since I was crowned Miss Virginia United States! I have spent this last year promoting my platform, “Volunteerism & Community Involvement”: partnering with organizations like the Grace Oughten Cancer Foundation; Relay For Life; Polar Plunge for Special Olympics Virginia; and, St. Jude’s Hospital (just to name a few).

I must say a special thank you to my coworkers, with whom I had the most fun: delivering toys to children in the metropolitan area during Christmas, building new homes with Habitat for Humanity, and planning an awesome Field Day for the students of JC Nalle Elementary.

Thank you to my wonderful sponsors: to Ginny Betteridge of Rodan Fields for helping my skin look radiant throughout my reign; to Dave McIntosh Photographics for my stunning headshot; The Photography Smiths, LaDexon Photographie, Carrington & Finch Photography, Rick Myers Photography, and AJ Photoz for great photoshoots; and to Melissa Mangrum for my fabulous makeup at nationals.

To my pageant family … Laura Clark & Chris Wilmer: I admire your vision and your passion for this organization. Mariah, you have such determination and strength that most young women your age could only hope to possess; and Jocelyn, thank you for being my sounding board and I wish the best for you and your future hubby.

Most importantly, I want to thank those nearest and dearest to my heart for molding me into the woman who stands before you today. To my Elite sisters – Bridget, Chrissy, and Kiara – pageant week would have not been the same without the three of you in my corner. To Steve, thank you for being the calm in the storm that is my life. To my father – for pushing me to always be my best; Mum, thank you for reminding me that I am always enough; and to my sister, Tanya, thank you for always being my number 1 fan.

What a blessing and honor it has been to serve this great commonwealth. Thank you all of your support and love.

For the last time, I am your Miss Virginia United States (2014)

, Phyllicia Whittingham.

The Climb

There’s always gonna be another mountain

I’m always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an up-hill battle

Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Can you believe I just quoted Miley Cyrus? Yeah, well neither can I. Those words came from her 2010 song, “The Climb.” And it was those words that finally brought me to this moment. I finally feel the beginning sense of peace that I knew I would need to feel before I sat down to write and commit to my thoughts surrounding the 2013 Miss Virginia Pageant.

You want my honest reflection? Good, of course you do; and, lucky for you I know hardly know any other way to be. Standing on the stage and feeling as beautiful and as poised as I had ever felt in my life, it hurt to know that I had not made the Top 10 cut. It was disappointment, mixed with confusion… and, give it time, the Devil turned it into self-doubt and self-hate. Thankfully, there were not moments of jealousy (as in, I did not feel specifically jealous of one of those ten girls; I never felt that one of their spots belonged to me): my feelings were never directed to them –the emotions all faced inward. For two weeks, I beat myself up. Trying to figure out what I could have or should have done differently. I poured over pictures…and thought I looked gorgeous, happy: I glowed (!) for crying out loud. I had never looked better. So, what else could it have been? Maybe, it was my private interview. And then the questions from my interview came flooding back to me (and so did my responses). They followed me everywhere, in the mirror where I used to ask myself mock questions every morning; in the car while I listened to NPR; they followed me to the shower and when I laid my head on the pillow at night.

These emotions confused the crap out of me. I usually moved on from disappointments fairly easy – I would fuss a little bit, and then I move on. I learned from my mother that there is no sense in dwelling in the past: it’s over, after all. But this one thing would not leave me alone. Being completely honest, it was also hard for me to think of any other time where I had felt so defeated. (I knew in my heart that I did not fail – I had progressed too much and performed too well, to call what I did at Miss Virginia a failure.) But I certainly was defeated. But feeling sorry for one’s self is depressing enough: I couldn't continue to wallow in my self-pity much longer.

Attempting to add some “regularity” back into my life, I went back to the gym after 2 weeks off: 1 due to the pageant and the 2^nd because I was recovering – and being lazy – after the pageant. That Monday class was not easy! And it did not exactly provide the motivation I was looking for. We know that God tells us to pour into his word…right? We are to praise him when we want for something and when we are thankful for something, and just because. I had been on my knees during pageant week, and I thought to myself – if anything – I need to continue the prayer life that I had during those 7 days of competition. There were verses that spoke to me… but none brought enough comfort to convince me that the misery I felt would go away any time soon. However, we knew that success does not happen overnight; and, therefore, I knew the same would not occur with healing. So, I remained patient, in prayer, and meditation. I stopped listening to the news and rode in my car in silence, preferring to think about the apartment I would soon be moving into and my recent promotion/pay raise…. I didn’t spend extra time in front of the mirror – as that would prompt thoughts regarding inner beauty and pageant interviews… I stopped stalking myself on IG and looking over my pageant photos by Julius. I needed a mental break. I need to just be still (Psalm 46:10).

On the road home from Hanover this weekend Miley’s song played (it is part of a mixed tape a friend made to hype me up for the state competition). And when Miley sang those four lines I finally HEARD what she was saying, and immediately felt this sense of understanding and knowing in my heart. I pressed the rewind button and listened to the song for the first time. She talks about the journey, and how you learn along the way…how there will ALWAYS be challenges, and sometimes we will succeed, and sometimes we will be defeated. And, it is okay to remember those moments when you’re down (most likely those will be the thoughts that resonate with us for the longest)…BUT – your true test is – do you remember to keep moving forward, to keep the faith that you've always had?

So, I must keep moving forward. Don’t get me wrong: I still remember my interview questions, and I remember how I felt on that stage after talent and gown (AH-MAZ-ZING!)… But I am here…today, in my office. This is me. And I must continue to embrace that because “it is what it is.” I can continue to spread my love of people and of service, and I can continue to share my Legacy of Kindness…because that’s who I am, who I have always been. It is my assuredness in who I am – without a crown – that will allow this journey, this “climb,” to continue.

And I feel that must say this... Some of you may think I sound ungrateful; for I know that many girls would have given just about anything to have had the chance to grace the stage in Roanoke (or had their name called for the “Legacy of Kindness” award, as I did). It is not that I am ungrateful – it is that I, as the strong woman I am, constantly find ways to challenge myself. So when I, and other contestants like me, do not reach our goals, do not mistake our tears for ungratefulness…instead see them as they may be – sadness for not reaching the goal we set for ourselves. We are grateful to be at Miss Virginia, to have had our name called as a local representative, to have been a preliminary award winner, to have made the Top 10, or Top 5, but there’s always going to be that hunger to be the best of the best…to me that hunger should be commended, not condemned. (I won’t lie though, some girls will just be salty about it, they won’t look for ways to improve or find the silver lining in the clouds and there’s nothing I can do about that!)

So-- thank you for those of you who continue to believe it me; who encourage me day in and day out. I am blessed by those of you who call me your Miss Virginia. I will likely take the time in the next few days to reflect in a more positive manner on the pageant week (*chuckles*). Thank you for reading, and I hope I wasn't too depressing.

Life's Defining Moments

I have been asked before to name a defining moment in my life; and, being the person that I am I find it difficult to rest on just one moment. This year for the Miss Virginia program book, I decided on "the moment I landed an internship with Goldman Sachs in NY." But, as I sit here and think back on my relatively short-lived life, I can say with complete honesty and conviction that this 23rd year of my life has truly been a defining moment and the best year of my life. (Can an entire year be a defining moment? lol) And, I know that if this year is the best so far that God is getting ready to blow my socks off in years to come.

I would say that this year of definition started with...my summer internship (you can see that I am a scholar & business woman first!). I worked in McLean, VA for Freddie Mac and was blessed to live with Megan and her family for the three months that I spent working. Megan was not someone I had met before or knew much about. When I accepted the job offer I called my friend Betty (my first pageant director) and told her the good news; she told me right away that she would start calling around to see if she could help me find a place to stay. She called a friend, who called a friend and that's how I met Megan. Needless to say, the summer of 2011 was pretty awesome. I spent a good amount of time traveling and trying new things. My car batter died on me Memorial Day (thank goodness Donnie was there to keep me calm). I paid rent for the first time. And I watched the Miss VA pageant live that summer. I traveled to a National Park in West Virginia. I ate at a rotating sushi bar in Tyson's Corner and came to own my first Kate Spade bag. I went to NY to spend time with my Grams immediately following the internship and on my way home I got a call from Freddie Mac extending me a full-time position.

The next "big event" in my life took place on November 19, 2011 (I hope to never forget that date). That evening I was crowned Miss Hampton-Newport News 2012. That was certainly a defining moment - one in which a three-year long dream was coming true - I was finally going to compete on the Miss Virginia stage in Roanoke! This defining moment allows me to tell every little girl (or boy) to always go after what you want and not to let anyone or anything stand in your way. Imagine if had I given up on my dream after competing in over a dozen local preliminaries and walking away without a crown? Know what you want, know why you want it...

The following few months marked my last semester in graduate school - and I thought winning a local title was tough! There were days/weeks I wasn't sure that I would pass my finals or my classes. Things were rough, but I never gave up on myself; and, the constant support and encouragement from my family and friends kept me going. On May 13, 2012 I walked across the stage on Buckman Lawn and received my Masters of Business Administration degree from Hampton University. Talk about a proud moment! My family was there to look on as I became the first female in my family to earn a Master's degree.

I was living on Cloud 9 for the weeks following. School was done. Miss VA was in a matter of weeks. And I was still working part-time at JCPenney (the Greenbrier store graciously sponsored some of my appearance wardrobe/jewelry for the State pageant). And then, mere days before I am to leave for Miss Virginia, my car (whom I fondly refer to as "Frannie") catches on fire. Now some of you may laugh (as I had to, to stop myself from crying) but I was not a happy camper. The car overheated on the highway - thank goodness my friend Joe was with me - and with quick thinking from the both of us, the fire was put it out and we were both safe. We were able to have the car towed home and looked at by a mechanic. But now I was car-less and in a slight panic.

God worked things out, as he always does, and I was able to ride with two of my pageant sisters - Elissa Taylor and Shelby Smith - to Roanoke the following Sunday. The Miss Virginia Pageant... talk about a defining moment in a girl's life...was a BLAST. Being surrounded by 25 young women (whom Elizabeth Robinette and I decided were not underachievers ;) for 6 days was a blessing. Knowing that each of us impact our communities on a daily basis to bring about positivism and to encourage young people to be involved, healthy, and educated citizens gives me hope for our future generations.

My last defining moment (so far)...
We all know that I can't stay put for too long, right? As I told my judges in my private interview - if I didn't get a crown on my head on Saturday night... I was starting work on Monday morning in Northern VA (NOVA). Well, the Miss VA pageant week officially ended when I checkout of my hotel room around 10:30am on Sunday, July 1st (with no new crown). After having chicken and waffles at Thelma's in downtown Roanoke, mum, T, & I headed home. On the way (mind you at this point I am still not 100% sure how I am getting to NOVA to start my new job the next day), my father calls to tell me to pick up a rental at the airport so that I can drive up to NOVA no problem. I get the car, drive home, pack the rest of my belongings, and am on the road again within the hour. I arrived at my home away from home around 10pm that night. Set my alarm for 6:50am, took a shower, and went to sleep.

Monday, July 2nd. Though I vowed during pageant week that I had no desire to wear another pair of heels or see another makeup bag, I dutifully grabbed my newest pair of black pumps, put on my foundation, mascara, and a splash of blush after breakfast and headed out the door. I am now a working woman: a woman who has to figure out how to budget her money responsibly; how to balance her time between work and play. I am woman who will now start adding new things to her list of short- and long-term goals. I am excited by life and even more by the unknowns that come along with it.

Now the question is: What have I learned from my defining moment(s)?
- Life is short and sweet. Enjoy it. (I think about my frat brother who passed away in 2010... and the great legacy that he has given to many...Will others be able to say the same about you?)

- There is no sense in worrying. - It only causes headaches and wrinkles, and I don't want either!

- ALWAYS believe in your dreams and don't give up on them. (If you do, you will surely miss out on a blessing!)

- God is always in control. (Period.)

The Super Bowl of Pageants

My big brother and I spoke shortly after the Miss America pageant and he laughed and told me that this was like my Super Bowl. I couldn't have agreed more! I was logged on to Twitter and Facebook "reporting" and reading others' comments about the events that were unfolding before me on the television screen. I won't use this entry to rant about the values of the Miss America ("Miss A") system and how I believe that every female should participate in at least one pageant in her lifetime...but I want to take this time to take a look at the questions that were posed to the top 5 finalists. Before I get to the questions, I have one other issue to address... Some people posted saying that "didn't get it" when it came to why Kris Jenner was appointed as a judge - what's there not to get? She's a celebrity, one whose opinion is important (to some extent) in the world of popular culture. Miss A wants to expand her brand - and I would be surprised if some little girl didn't tune in to the show just to see Kris; I think appointing her as a judge was no mistake at all.

Q: Should Miss A be able to declare her political views...
Miss Wisconsin didn't really answer this question (and I get it). 
A: I do believe that we are all entitled to our own opinions (which are generally formed from our life experiences and expectations) - so when put in a situation in which you may be asked to declare where you stand exactly, I simply believe you must be able to back up your stance. So, in a nutshell: yes, I think she should be able to declare her political views.

Q: What should be the extent of the government's involvement concerning obesity in children...
I loved Miss Oklahoma's answer! 
A: I firmly believe that so many problems start in the home; but, with the same token, good values and standards can be taught in the same place. It should be a parent's responsibility to provide for their children what is right and healthy.

Q: Is it right for those in the public eye to use their celebrity to promote their faith (i.e. T. Tebow)...
Miss Arizona nailed this one as well. 
A: I believe that those in the public's eye use their celebrity to promote less important things, like movies, sports drinks, clothes, and smell-goods; so, why not use that same status to promote your religion? But, I am also convicted in knowing that there's a difference when it comes to sharing your faith and shoving it down someone's throat. One thing I probably would not have considered (but Miss AZ was smart enough to comment on) is that we often not only represent ourselves but a bigger body: Tim Tebow represents the NFL and Miss A represents the entire country, so those in such positions must be extra mindful of the messages that they share.

Q: Do the "Occupy Wall Street" protesters have a point and what should be done about it?
I appreciated Miss New York's answer. 
A: I think the protesters have a point - there is a lopsidedness present in America when it comes to wealth, power, and influence. What should be done about it? Politicians need to be reminded that they are the voices of their constituents - they are public servants; they need to listen to what their people are telling them and act. The rules need to be changed on Capital Hill; the American people need to come first.

Q: Do reality shows like "Teen Mom" glorify teenage pregnancy...
Miss California confused me with her answer as she claimed to "support" those shows but agreed it did "glorify" teenage pregnancies, and she said something about feeding the "appetite" for reality programming...
A: My answer? No young woman who: 1) does not like drama 2) desires financial freedom 3) wants to fully enjoy college and/or "just be a teen" would desire to live the life of young girls like Chelsea or Jenelle... But heck! These girls have their nails done, hair died, and skin-tanned -- that's more than some of us without babies can say! So, sure there's a glorification - get pregnant, get a spot on a television show, get thousands of random people to watch you and talk about your drama. You become a mini-celebrity overnight, now who doesn't want that?