This weekend was amazing. Just what I needed. By God's beautiful planning, my sister, Tanya, and my best friend, Cassi, were both planning to come into Northern VA this weekend; so, Tanya was able to ride up with Cassi, Deven (Cassi's hubby), and James (Deven's friend). Friday, Tanya and I walked just about ALL of Tyson's Corner Mall (Tyson's I) - she says that the small corners of the mall that we did not visit this time, we will get on her next visit, along with Tyson's II (where the rich folks go). After shopping for several hours we headed to Reston Town Center and ate a French restaurant called "Mon Ami Gabi." T and I got the seafood platter - it was fabulous, and so was our waiter :) Dinner was followed by a movie: "Oz, the Great and Powerful." The movie was definitely more of a comedy than I expected, and T and I would recommend it.
There were a few, key take-aways in the movie for me. The first being that: dreams - good dreams - live beyond the original dreamer. The original king of Oz had a dream and a wish for the people of his kingdom, one that he was unable to see fulfilled during his reign. However, because of the faith he had in his dream and the people of his land, one of his daughters worked to continue his dream and to see it come to fruition.
I often like to relate a lot of life's lessons to pageantry... Many times, judges will ask you about your "legacy": what you want to leave behind when your reign as Miss So-and-So is over. I pray that many girls hope to inspire others to either carry on the torch that they currently carry, or that they inspire others to pick up their own torch and be a champion for their own cause(s). My platform regarding volunteerism and community involvement has certainly done this. I have watched numerous girls spread their wings and join civic organizations, partner with others to raise money for a good cause, or step up to lead an initiative because that realized that by being involved (in their communities, schools, churches, peer groups...or wherever!) that they can truly make a difference.
I was also challenged to examine the difference between "goodness" and "greatness." For the entire film, Oz desired to be great and admired for his magical skills. But at the end of the film, he was told that he had something better than greatness in him, it was goodness that he truly possessed. Oz was good because he chose to do the right thing; he helped others and forsook his selfish ways; he was the man that others needed him to be.
I think this can be applicable in my "office life." I can strive to be great in corporate America, but I cannot afford to neglect to be good. I was visiting my Grandma's church in Manhattan several months ago, and one of the ladies in church told me that she believed the business world was full of corrupt and lying people and that it was not the place for me, as a Christian woman, to be. My Grandma, being the lady that she is, held her tongue until she and I were alone. In that quite moment, she told me not to believe a lick of what that woman had said. That I was a gifted and talented young lady who knew right from wrong, and that I could be a strong, Christian woman in an environment that some, clearly, do not see as honest or positive. Greatness is nothing worth admiring, unless there is goodness included as well.
So, readers...
Are you dreaming a dream that others can continue to dream once you are gone? (RIP Michael Crawford)
Are you living with a desire to be good? as well as, to be great?
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
My Support System
It’s been way too long since my last post. Let’s see what has happened in that time?
I…
…earned the title of Miss Hanover 2013
…celebrated my sister’s 21st birthday
…rang in the New Year with my mother and a glass of wine
…traveled to Vegas for the first time and watched the Miss America 2013 Competition live!
In all that time I've been thinking about writing a post, and now I've finally sat down to do it. Tonight, I want to talk about support systems. Mine in particular…
It made me think earlier today…what helps a girl realize her dreams; and, in the event that she doesn't, how does she go on? The answer, at least for me, is the same for both questions. No one can make it in this (pageant) world without a support system. This support may not come in the traditional sense, like mothers and fathers, but the support is there nonetheless. And it is because of this support system (along with other factors, I assure you) that girls will return year after year to realize a dream. Knowing that someone believes that you can is inspiring; knowing that someone is willing to stand beside you no matter what the critics say, that is empowering.
I am blessed because I have received support from my family to realize my dream of competing at Miss Virginia. My younger sister is my number one fan. She has not bought me gowns, or given me interview advice; but, her humor, her reassurance that I didn't bomb my on-stage-question (or my talent), and her hilarious text messages while I’m back stage competing, are encouragement enough. I am reminded daily that she looks up to me and that by competing in this pageant system I can remind her that dreams are worth chasing, working towards, and they are certainly worth fighting for.
Not only do I have my family, but the directors of local pageants have also offered support to me over the years, like you wouldn't believe. You don’t have to have their title on your sash, or even wear a sash at all, for them to love you as their own. This is where being kind and approachable comes in handy, ladies! Directors who feel and can see that you want to grow and improve will be more than willing to encourage you and give you suggestions that could make your next pageant YOUR pageant. Directors are volunteers, they do this because they love it; let them love on you, as well.
And now I will shock the “regular” world with this next facet of the support system that I have slowly built over the years: fellow contestants. No, we don’t all hate each other (yes, I do realize this is a competition). No, we are not all out to sabotage each other (yes, some of the girls are really nice). I have found that if you find the right girls – those who treat you the same, whether you’re in competition mode or not, those who give you advice that is true and honest, those who you don’t have to wonder about a hidden agenda – then you've found a winner. Just like in the “real world” though – not everyone is your friend. (People throw the word “friend” around too loosely these days, anyway.) But, if you notice that a girl has won a particular award (interview, swimsuit, talent…) ask her if she has any advice – if she’s confident enough in her own abilities she should have no problem helping you improve. Girls who want to keep everything to themselves defeat the idea of sisterhood and service – but that’s just my opinion.
Lastly, there’s the community at-large: the blessed people who are not consumed by all things pageant. Sometimes it can be those lovely people who have known you since grade school and gush every time they realize you have grown into this lovely young woman with goals and ambitions. Sometimes it is the father who you've had a quick conversation with, who is grateful that you've explained to his stubborn daughter that college can be exciting. Sometimes it is the stranger in the mall who tells you are beautiful. Relish in these moments, with these people – the ones you may never see again...the ones that you meet on pageant day...or during a day of service. They are the people, surprisingly, that will create the stories and memories that you will share with others.
Wherever it is that you find your support, be thankful for it, and LOVE those individuals back. It is your support system that cheers you on to the gold…but it is that same support system that should be there – with the same enthusiasm – if you don’t even make it onto the podium. I can say that my system has been there for me through the sunshine and the rain. Can you say the same? Start building your support system, your network (whatever you want to call it) and make sure it contains individuals of quality (this is an instance where "it's quality, not quantity")...
I do my best to tell my system that I love them whenever I am given the opportunity. So, if you’re reading this…thanks!
XoxoPhe
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Share Your Gifts
It's Christmas Time! The season of giving (and getting ;)...And in his sermon last weekend, my pastor made a statement that had me reaching for my pen. He said, and I'm paraphrasing, "...we all have spiritual gifts and some of you haven't unwrapped yours yet."
It got me thinking: What if someone doesn't know that they have a spiritual gift? Surely no one is gift-less...right? I have always thought that every individual (no matter how strange, rude, or reserved) has a gift that they can share with another or a quality worth admiring. But, sometimes those individuals need a little assistance in finding out what that gift is.
So, how do you go about unwrapping your gift (spiritual or otherwise)? Don't worry - I'll give you a spiritual and a secular option (you can use both if you like).
First, you pray...you ask the Lord to give you the opportunity to bless another individual, in whatever way that He sees fit. And then you watch the Lord go to work! (But, make sure you're ready, because sometimes the Lord gives you exactly what you ask for! See: Luke 11:9)
Another way - which is more hands on - is to volunteer. As some of you may know, my personal platform is about volunteerism and community involvement. I have found that in times where I felt lost or alone, that getting out and giving of myself or joining a group of people who were doing good in the community, always helped to lift my spirits. When you volunteer you find yourself: you find what you are good at in a low-stress, high rewards environment (what more could you really ask for?). Now some of you may be wondering how do you become a volunteer.... Well, that's easy: You volunteer! What I mean is, you ask someone or an organization if they need help. Particularly during this time of year, organizations are looking for extra hands, and your hands might be just the pair that they need. Go to your church, a local school or not-for-profit, or find out what community events are going on near-by, contact the liaison and offer your services. I'd be willing to bet money that they would welcome you with open arms.
So, go ahead and take that next step. Unwrapping your (spiritual) gift isn't nearly as difficult as you thought it would be. I'll leave you with a quote from a very spiritually gifted man:
It got me thinking: What if someone doesn't know that they have a spiritual gift? Surely no one is gift-less...right? I have always thought that every individual (no matter how strange, rude, or reserved) has a gift that they can share with another or a quality worth admiring. But, sometimes those individuals need a little assistance in finding out what that gift is.
So, how do you go about unwrapping your gift (spiritual or otherwise)? Don't worry - I'll give you a spiritual and a secular option (you can use both if you like).
First, you pray...you ask the Lord to give you the opportunity to bless another individual, in whatever way that He sees fit. And then you watch the Lord go to work! (But, make sure you're ready, because sometimes the Lord gives you exactly what you ask for! See: Luke 11:9)
Another way - which is more hands on - is to volunteer. As some of you may know, my personal platform is about volunteerism and community involvement. I have found that in times where I felt lost or alone, that getting out and giving of myself or joining a group of people who were doing good in the community, always helped to lift my spirits. When you volunteer you find yourself: you find what you are good at in a low-stress, high rewards environment (what more could you really ask for?). Now some of you may be wondering how do you become a volunteer.... Well, that's easy: You volunteer! What I mean is, you ask someone or an organization if they need help. Particularly during this time of year, organizations are looking for extra hands, and your hands might be just the pair that they need. Go to your church, a local school or not-for-profit, or find out what community events are going on near-by, contact the liaison and offer your services. I'd be willing to bet money that they would welcome you with open arms.
So, go ahead and take that next step. Unwrapping your (spiritual) gift isn't nearly as difficult as you thought it would be. I'll leave you with a quote from a very spiritually gifted man:
"Everybody can be great, because everybody can serve." Martin Luther King, Jr.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Finding Your Beauty
Sometime last weekend a friend of mine told me that I had "found my beauty." Now, quite honestly, at first I wasn't sure how to take the comment (though, knowing that everything this person says is in good taste, I had to take a moment to consider her words). We have all, for certain, heard of others finding themselves or maybe discovering their true talents...but finding their beauty?
My mother has been telling me for years (as a mother should) that I am beautiful. And, somewhere in college, I truly began to believe it. As the years have gone by my definition of beauty (isn't that a pageant question??) has evolved. It has encompassed the idea of feeling comfortable in your own skin; the idea that true beauty is not seen with the eye, but felt with the heart; and beauty to me, has been, making others feel beautiful as well. Tara Wheeler always said, "Beauty is as beauty does." But, most recently I have found another source of beauty: true joy.
Now, joy and happiness - to me - are not exactly the same; but, for the sake of this entry, I'll just say that joy is a deeper type of happiness that comes from within. My own joy, comes from the love of my Heavenly Father and knowing that no matter what trials and temptations I face, He is with me. If I have learned anything in the past year, it has been that there is always a way and that I must be patient, because things will happen when and how they are suppose to.
My move to Northern Virginia (NoVA) technically meant I could "start over," "reinvent myself" and no one here would know any better. But, I like me and realized that without my usual group of friends and acquaintances I would have to come to really love me. So I focused on feeding my needs: finding a church fed my spiritual needs; joining the gym for my physical and mental health; and, starting a Mint.com account for my financial well-being. But then, why not be spontaneous (in a sense) and try something totally new? So, I joined the flag-football team at work (I shocked everyone at home because I have never played on a sports team in 23 years of living), I forced myself to prepare a few meals (I don't cook - see my 8/7/12 post, "Feeding My Inner-Fat Lady"), and I started buying things I liked - without wondering if someone else would approve of them. All together, the happiness I felt from being in control of my life and the sense of calm I got from knowing that ultimately God was really in control began to transform my outlook on life. And apparently, this new feeling is showing on the outside...
This past weekend was Hampton U's Homecoming and I thought long and hard about what I was going to wear that weekend; who I was going to see; and what I was going to do. But in the end, I could only "do me" (do what makes me feel good). After the weekend was over, one of my girls texted me, she told me she was "proud of me." Which caught me off guard. When I asked why, she said, "you just looked so fab and seemed so happy." I remember smiling, and thinking about it for a moment: "I am happy," I told her...
I guess I have found my beauty.
Xoxo
My mother has been telling me for years (as a mother should) that I am beautiful. And, somewhere in college, I truly began to believe it. As the years have gone by my definition of beauty (isn't that a pageant question??) has evolved. It has encompassed the idea of feeling comfortable in your own skin; the idea that true beauty is not seen with the eye, but felt with the heart; and beauty to me, has been, making others feel beautiful as well. Tara Wheeler always said, "Beauty is as beauty does." But, most recently I have found another source of beauty: true joy.
Now, joy and happiness - to me - are not exactly the same; but, for the sake of this entry, I'll just say that joy is a deeper type of happiness that comes from within. My own joy, comes from the love of my Heavenly Father and knowing that no matter what trials and temptations I face, He is with me. If I have learned anything in the past year, it has been that there is always a way and that I must be patient, because things will happen when and how they are suppose to.
My move to Northern Virginia (NoVA) technically meant I could "start over," "reinvent myself" and no one here would know any better. But, I like me and realized that without my usual group of friends and acquaintances I would have to come to really love me. So I focused on feeding my needs: finding a church fed my spiritual needs; joining the gym for my physical and mental health; and, starting a Mint.com account for my financial well-being. But then, why not be spontaneous (in a sense) and try something totally new? So, I joined the flag-football team at work (I shocked everyone at home because I have never played on a sports team in 23 years of living), I forced myself to prepare a few meals (I don't cook - see my 8/7/12 post, "Feeding My Inner-Fat Lady"), and I started buying things I liked - without wondering if someone else would approve of them. All together, the happiness I felt from being in control of my life and the sense of calm I got from knowing that ultimately God was really in control began to transform my outlook on life. And apparently, this new feeling is showing on the outside...
I guess I have found my beauty.
Xoxo
Monday, October 22, 2012
Closing Statement
During your 10-minute panel interview in the Miss Virginia/Miss America Organization you are given the last 30 seconds to finish answering the question you were given, or to conclude the interview with a closing statement. Rarely do I have predetermined remarks that I would like to make; but, today I will make an exception. My interview was not 10 minutes, but 11 months. And it wasn't an easy interview, but I couldn't have asked for a better one. The job of Miss Hampton-Newport News was fulfilling in every way.
I took the time in the week leading up to the 2013 Pageant to post on my Instagram (if you aren't familiar, it's much like Twitter, just with pictures, instead of words) some of my fondest memories and thoughts about my reign, and here they are for my readers:
--
Saturday I "pass on" the title of Miss Hampton-Newport News to the 2013 winner. I've had a great reign! ... This was my crowning moment - after trying for 3 years. I am so blessed.
--
This is, by far, my favorite picture of my past year. I was able to participate in the annual Hampton Holly Days parade in downtown Hampton & it was on tv!
--
My favorite appearance this past year: The International Children's Festival in downtown Hampton. Lots of cultural activities, smiling children, and food!
--
One of the best things about being a titleholder? The amazing young women & young girls you meet.
--
Another great part about being Miss HNN is randomly feeling like a celebrity, Julius is always ready with the camera.
--
Oh, boy, do I love community service! Get out there and make a difference. What is your legacy?
--
And the tears begin...Thank you to everyone for such a beautiful year. I get to crown Miss HNN 2013 tomorrow. Xoxo.
I took the time in the week leading up to the 2013 Pageant to post on my Instagram (if you aren't familiar, it's much like Twitter, just with pictures, instead of words) some of my fondest memories and thoughts about my reign, and here they are for my readers:
--
Saturday I "pass on" the title of Miss Hampton-Newport News to the 2013 winner. I've had a great reign! ... This was my crowning moment - after trying for 3 years. I am so blessed.
--
This is, by far, my favorite picture of my past year. I was able to participate in the annual Hampton Holly Days parade in downtown Hampton & it was on tv!
--
My favorite appearance this past year: The International Children's Festival in downtown Hampton. Lots of cultural activities, smiling children, and food!
--
One of the best things about being a titleholder? The amazing young women & young girls you meet.
--
Another great part about being Miss HNN is randomly feeling like a celebrity, Julius is always ready with the camera.
--
Oh, boy, do I love community service! Get out there and make a difference. What is your legacy?
--
And the tears begin...Thank you to everyone for such a beautiful year. I get to crown Miss HNN 2013 tomorrow. Xoxo.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
The Cyber-Version of Me
Fun Fact: When you search for my name (at least on iPhone's Safari search engine) it auto-populates as result #3!
I was reminded this past week of the influence of social media. It made me think that some people may not know you, but feel that they do because they see the cyber-version you. I think of my Facebook "friends" many of whom I have not met (we may share similar interests or affiliations, many are pageant girls from other systems in other states), my Twitter account is "open" access (@MissHNN2012), and even this blog is open for public viewing. Public...millions of people have the potential to see my thoughts (don't worry, I don't think even 100 people know this blog exists, but it's got potential right?). The point is: I have to be aware of the image that I am portraying of myself... no matter which outlet I choose to express myself in.
It came to my attention that a few of my co-workers had done some homework and searched for me on Google (I believe this occurred before I officially became an employee). All of the beautiful pictures that Julius has posted (dating back to 2008) are available for curious eyes -- even the swimsuit ones! Newspaper articles, community service programs, MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Blogspot...all there. Now, I have always been careful not to post what some consider "too personal" of information or anything embarrassing of myself or others. When I was younger I considered if my mother would be pleased to find that I had posted this or that.
I have to say, aside from maybe an unflattering picture or two, I am quite pleased with my Google results. (Are you able to say the same?) My results show that I am beautiful - inside and out. You can see that I know how to have fun. I am portrayed as an involved member of my community and I don't shy away from a camera!
xoxo
Phyllicia
I was reminded this past week of the influence of social media. It made me think that some people may not know you, but feel that they do because they see the cyber-version you. I think of my Facebook "friends" many of whom I have not met (we may share similar interests or affiliations, many are pageant girls from other systems in other states), my Twitter account is "open" access (@MissHNN2012), and even this blog is open for public viewing. Public...millions of people have the potential to see my thoughts (don't worry, I don't think even 100 people know this blog exists, but it's got potential right?). The point is: I have to be aware of the image that I am portraying of myself... no matter which outlet I choose to express myself in.
It came to my attention that a few of my co-workers had done some homework and searched for me on Google (I believe this occurred before I officially became an employee). All of the beautiful pictures that Julius has posted (dating back to 2008) are available for curious eyes -- even the swimsuit ones! Newspaper articles, community service programs, MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Blogspot...all there. Now, I have always been careful not to post what some consider "too personal" of information or anything embarrassing of myself or others. When I was younger I considered if my mother would be pleased to find that I had posted this or that.
I have to say, aside from maybe an unflattering picture or two, I am quite pleased with my Google results. (Are you able to say the same?) My results show that I am beautiful - inside and out. You can see that I know how to have fun. I am portrayed as an involved member of my community and I don't shy away from a camera!
xoxo
Phyllicia
Monday, October 1, 2012
Why Are You So Angry?
I was talking with a co-worker today and realized that people get too angry and too worked up over things. I was once told that getting angry because of something another person says or does means that they have power over you.
I tend to see a lot of anger on the road (many of you know I don't stay still very long, so I'm often in the car, heading somewhere). This past weekend, for instance, some drivers in Waco, Texas failed to understand that the left lane is for passing - not for going the same MPH as the car next to you in the right-hand lane. This went on for a few miles as the number of anxious drivers behind both "slow" cars grew. Finally the driver on the right side edged up and we followers all weaved our way around them. As I glanced back in my review mirror, I saw a guy in a pick-up truck extend his arm out of his window and he proceeded to give the bird to the slow driver in the left lane. And, for some reason, that made me mad.
What was the point? Did he feel better about himself or the situation after retracting his arm back into his vehicle? Did he feel like his middle finger would somehow encourage the slow driver to speed up next time? Or was he looking to feel in control, as he hoped that the driver would see him and feel some type of way about his crude behavior?
Yes, I know that sometimes we have to express our anger/frustration/angst in physical ways to relieve stress, to feel a little bit better about the situation. But to what extent? I felt that the driver could have cussed to his passenger if he needed, or truly, just taken a deep breath. Because, quite frankly, wherever he was going I'm sure if he was already late, he was still going to be late; and, if he was on time, a few miles at the speed limit wasn't going to make that much of a difference.
In situations like these I try to put things in perspective. Say there's a slow driver, or someone who is riding their breaks...ever consider that they're new to the area, and aren't sure where to turn next? Haven't you been in that situation before? Or the driver who cut you off, maybe they misjudged the distance between your car and the next one? Or they were distracted and realized they needed to get over quickly? Oh, that's never been you? (Yeah, right.)
Take a moment. Breathe. Say a prayer for them to get to their destination safely. Take that control back.
I'll leave you with a challenge an old principal gave me: "Make it a great day, or not: the choice is yours."
I tend to see a lot of anger on the road (many of you know I don't stay still very long, so I'm often in the car, heading somewhere). This past weekend, for instance, some drivers in Waco, Texas failed to understand that the left lane is for passing - not for going the same MPH as the car next to you in the right-hand lane. This went on for a few miles as the number of anxious drivers behind both "slow" cars grew. Finally the driver on the right side edged up and we followers all weaved our way around them. As I glanced back in my review mirror, I saw a guy in a pick-up truck extend his arm out of his window and he proceeded to give the bird to the slow driver in the left lane. And, for some reason, that made me mad.
What was the point? Did he feel better about himself or the situation after retracting his arm back into his vehicle? Did he feel like his middle finger would somehow encourage the slow driver to speed up next time? Or was he looking to feel in control, as he hoped that the driver would see him and feel some type of way about his crude behavior?
Yes, I know that sometimes we have to express our anger/frustration/angst in physical ways to relieve stress, to feel a little bit better about the situation. But to what extent? I felt that the driver could have cussed to his passenger if he needed, or truly, just taken a deep breath. Because, quite frankly, wherever he was going I'm sure if he was already late, he was still going to be late; and, if he was on time, a few miles at the speed limit wasn't going to make that much of a difference.
In situations like these I try to put things in perspective. Say there's a slow driver, or someone who is riding their breaks...ever consider that they're new to the area, and aren't sure where to turn next? Haven't you been in that situation before? Or the driver who cut you off, maybe they misjudged the distance between your car and the next one? Or they were distracted and realized they needed to get over quickly? Oh, that's never been you? (Yeah, right.)
Take a moment. Breathe. Say a prayer for them to get to their destination safely. Take that control back.
I'll leave you with a challenge an old principal gave me: "Make it a great day, or not: the choice is yours."
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