A confidence makeover...

There are some mornings that I wake up feeling renewed, energized, and like the princess that God has made me to be. Then there are mornings, like today, where I struggle: where I question my abilities and my dreams. After breakfast, I opened my devotional app on my phone (one of the very few I figured worth spending money on) and this bible verse greeted me:

Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. - 2 Corinthians 3:4 (NIV)

I smiled. Who am I to question God's abilities? For my abilities are only His abilities. I have not come this far on my own, and I can feel it in my bones that God has so much more for me! So, today may be a rough day - and just because I've seen this verse and feel a sense of calm now does not mean that the struggle is over. Because it is far from over...but, I will continue to remind myself of God's promise to give me competence and confidence, and to help me overcome feelings of inferiority, insecurity, and inadequacy.

***

I wanted to type this blog to be open and honest. To show you that we all struggle and no one's life - not even that of a titleholder - is always rosy red. It is the foundation of a person, what grounds them and gives them strength, that allows them to overcome obstacles and defeats. It is my foundation in Christ that gives me the courage and tenacity to keep moving towards my next goal.

Two-Time Winner

GUESS WHO IS GRADUATING WITH A MASTER'S DEGREE??
THIS KID!!!


If you can't tell -- I'm very excited about this most recently accomplishment of mine. Next to winning the title of Miss HNN, this might be one of the most difficult achievements I've made in recent years. There were days I wasn't sure I would be seeing this moment. The first four years of school were relatively easy, I studied (and had fun) and made it through with my Bachelor's degree - no problem. But, it seems that once my friends had graduated, and I was living back at home, and I won a title, and I was working part-time, again, that I just didn't feel as focused or motivated to get my butt into gear. My mother didn't coddle me - she pushed me, reminded me that I didn't get this far by slacking. My friends reminded me that I only had mere weeks separating school and the summer. I had to remind myself that I didn't come this far to slip and fall. So after 5 years, 10 (long) semesters, 166 credit hours (24 of which came from my International Baccalaureate diploma), I have graduated from Hampton University (Cum Laude) - twice.


Special thank you to my parents for helping me foot the bill for my undergraduate degree. To my sister for being my saving grace these past two semesters. To my girls who held me down - through drama, and boys, and crazy nights. To "my boys" and my brothers (Ow~Sweet) who always had my back with no judgement. To my professors who challenged me. To my family and friends who just offered encouragement and a belief that I could do anything I set my mind to do. - I thank you.

Phyllicia Whittingham, MBA

Blessed is the [wo]man who remains steadfast under trial, for when [s]he has stood the test [s]he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. - Jame 1:12 (ESV)

Are you a Feminist?

A lady I know through pageants is currently studying for her Masters degree in the field of women's studies at a local university and she decided to present on the positive aspects of pageantry and how they can be advantageous to today's woman. I was surprised when this pageant friend asked if I would sit on a panel of other pageant queens to answer questions from students in her class; and, I graciously agreed. The questions centered around beauty, pageantry, and feminism. I enjoyed answering the questions and hearing the strength and quality of the answers from the young ladies who sat with me.

There were the students who were concerned about the family dynamics that pageantry created, asking: At what age did you start pageants? How involved is the father in the whole process? Why did you start competing? Some wanted to know how we fight stigmas, what obstacles we have come up against, and causes we support. One young lady stood up and was very honest with us. She shared that her hesitation about pageants comes from the idea that this one woman (this "Miss America") is suppose to be a representative for all of America's women. She stated that she didn't feel like she could see herself with a crown on her head. But one of the mothers of a panelist brought up a great point: if you can see yourself as a scholar, as someone who is involved in her community, as a successful individual, or a woman with her own unique sense of style then you embody Miss America. You embody the four points of the crown.

For me, however, there was another student who caught my eye. She had the tough questions ready and seemed to be attempting to glean the most from the answers the panel was giving. She wanted to know how we felt about the Miss Canada USA scandal and if we thought a transgender female should be allowed to compete. And then my favorite question of the evening: Are you a feminist? I had to admit to the room that I didn't know the true definition of the word (!) which caused an interesting shuffle in the room as the students were eager to enlighten me. I was told - in more or less words - that a feminist is someone who is against sexism, one who advocates for equal rights of women. After hearing the definition, I proudly declared that, "Yes, I am a feminist." I am a business student - so I am quite aware that there is a 23 point earnings gap between men and women and that women only make up 3%  of CEOs at Fortune 500 companies. So, I am going to be strong and confident in the office and in all that I do. And I won't let anyone tell me I can't accomplish something, let alone a man.

Aries Baby!!!

Twenty-three.

Doesn’t sound much older than twenty-two. Doesn’t feel much older either – because that’s what I know you were going to ask! Wednesday I was blessed to turn another year older, and (in theory, at least) I am all the more wiser and smarter. And I have adopted the mantra “I am like a fine wine, I get better with age.”

Wednesday was a great day – not as full of excitement as the other birthdays I had celebrated during my undergraduate years at HU; but a great day nonetheless. I woke up (bright at early) and volunteered at St. Mary’s Home for Disabled Children. Starting my birthday off with a service opportunity was the best thing I could have done. I felt even more blessed to live the life I have been given; I was able to be surrounded by several young ladies who have such big hearts and it truly set the tone for the day.

I went out to lunch with my father afterwards…we talked about dating (for him, mostly), school, graduation (let’s hope I make it there!), life beyond school, and – of course – the Miss Virginia pageant. He’s been rough on me over the years but at the end of the day, I know that he loves me and wants what is best for me (but, I won’t admit that he always knows what’s best for me). After lunch I came home and answered a few emails then headed across the water to go to class – yeah, who goes to an optional class session on her birthday? This kid.

Class was a little daunting as we have a HUGE project that’s due too soon and I’m afraid I don’t know/understand everything that it entails. One of my good friends left me balloons and a devotional entitled “Promises for Women from God’s Word” – I am looking forward to reading it soon.

After all that I will admit I was getting a little sleepy (it doesn’t help that I was up past two am the night before working on an assignment due Thursday because I knew I wasn’t going to do it Wednesday night)… But, I fought through the Zzz’s and made my way over to Tanya’s dorm to borrow some shoes – she gave me my b-day hug and we both silently knew we’d just celebrate my birthday Thursday with our Grey’s Anatomy-night. I made my way over to Cassi’s house, where I was greeted by Phong and Talley (two great guys from high school). After consulting Yelp and Google and some other app we decided not to go for Mexican but to try a place called Yard House in VaBeach. We were afraid the prices would be a bit much when we saw the suits & ties through the window but it worked out. The place was a tad chilly for my liking and a little noisy (but Yelp had prepared me for this); the food was good and the waitress was nice. I got a free peach cobbler with a candle.

We wrapped up the night with a Little Debbie-Butterfly bunt cake (Cassi made it). I won’t even lie – it was pretty darn good! We watched a little bit of The Big Bang Theory and then it was time to call it a night. All-in-all, I was a very happy birthday girl.

Thank you for all of the birthday wishes, hugs, gifts, cards, and love. *Muah!

I’m off to Roanoke for Workshop. Ttyl.

The Lorax

This past Friday was one of the fullest days I have had in a very long time -- and I loved it!

I (like the girl I am) stayed out and partied with a few friends late into the morning on Thursday night/Friday morning. Well, when I was crawling into my bed (around 3am) I remembered something... I had volunteered myself to help out with Jump Rope for Heart at Tyler Elementary School in Hampton - mind you the event started at 8am. I groaned and set my alarm clock. Needless to say, I did not wake up with the alarm - but I made it to Tyler by 9am. I spent about an hour and a half with the students. "Coach," as they so fondly call the P.E. teacher, was a joy to be around. There were different stations for the kids to show off their talents (double-dutch, a trick station, and even an activity room). I liked dancing with the Wii Fit with the music teacher and I played basketball on the black-top -- I know what you're thinking... You played a sport? Yeah, I was thinking the same thing, which is why I did not allow photos to be taken during this phenomenon! I stopped by Ms. Washington's classroom to say hello to Hailey's old classmates and they miss her dearly.


I left from Tyler and headed straight to work (changing my jogging pants and running shoes for a gray skirt and black flats). The day went by rather quickly. The customers were nice; but, I was hungry and I just wanted to get home to make myself some lunch (all I ate that morning was a PB&J). Got off around 3 and headed home. I had a tuna sandwich for lunch - it was yummy. Then I left my house to go pick up Brigid. I think I barely gave her time to breath after she had gotten off the bus from school! We had a nice chat about school and the upcoming Miss VA pageant on our way to pick up my sister (my blood sister), Tanya, from HU. Then we were off to Hailey's house. Scooped up Hailey and headed to the AMC Theatre. I let Hailey choose our seats and she headed for the top of the stairs: she managed to find the "perfect view," she said! (And we were only a few minutes late for the previews - Tanya wanted to see those; Hailey, however, wanted them to hurry up and finish!) 

The Lorax was a good movie (I didn't really expect that I would enjoy it as much as I did). The funny thing was that I think my 20-year-old sister was delighted and humored by the jokes and fascinated by the cartoon characters as much as Hailey was. The movie focused on the environment and conserving what we have. However, there was an even bigger message - we can all make change happen. No matter how old or young you are; no matter how much money you have or don't have - as long as you have a good heart, you can make a difference.


The movie ended with this quote:

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

nothing is going to get better. It's not. 

(I took the girls home - Haily, then Tanya, then Brigid. Spent some time talking to Mrs. Anne, then I drove home. After a really long day, I crawled into my bed and I slept really well that night!)

Am I Good Enough?

Today I listened in on a conference call about raising awareness for the HIV/AIDS in the black community, but it was the closing remarks that have been resonating in my mind for the past few hours. A fellow Hamptonian is part of the pageant committee that hosted the call and in the middle of her closing statement I heard her say, "I wondered 'Am I good enough?'"

My mind instantly heard Kevin Costner's tribute to Whitney Houston, where he so eloquently describe a woman that he clearly loved and admired. He said, "The Whitney I knew, despite her success and worldwide fame, still wondered, ‘Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Will they like me?’ It was the burden that made her great, and the part that caused her to stumble in the end."

We all wonder - at some point in each of our blessed lives, are we good enough. Thinking back over my years, I have wondered that same thing when it comes to school, work, pageants, and, more recently, relationships. But my smallest successes in each of those areas of my life give me hope. They remind that I am good enough - and how do I know this? Because I say so and I won't accept anything less. I truly know that I am good enough because my Heavenly Father says so. And after His approval, I need no one else's.

For those of you who may still doubt if you're good enough. I will simply challenge you to: Know that you are beautiful (tell yourself this every day). Believe in your dreams (because if you don't who will?). And always look forward because you cannot change your past. But the future? That is in your hands.

Safe Sex

This post is both politically and personally motivated. Some may believe that this topic is inappropriate for me to comment on - but, I don't care. It's important that I talk about it (and that's what blogs are for right?).

I won't go on too much about how some politicians are overly concerned about the vagina of today's women or about this recent movement to force women to have an ultrasound before making the decision to have an abortion or not. Now, before I go much further I will preface this post by saying that I am a Christian woman. I do believe in the sanctity of life. I do not like abortions. And I do volunteer with a center that works to provide mothers-to-be with an alternative to abortion. But, I also believe that I have no right to force my beliefs onto others. I believe that people should consider their actions (and that includes the likely consequences) and be willing to live with the decision that they have made. With that being said...

Contraceptives are your friend. Use them. I don't care if Mr. So-and-So says it's "immoral" or if the church has decided it shouldn't be used. Get with the times, folks - young people are having sex at younger and younger ages every single year. Telling young people to wait until marriage is a great idea (I myself am on that path); but, abstinence-only education is a ridiculous notion. Sometimes telling a young person not to do something is just like telling them to do something...So? Arm them with the facts. I believe that schools (and parents) need to teach young people about sex: what it is; when it's appropriate; and, how to protect themselves (before, during, and after). Then young people need to use those contraceptives. Why do I say this? It's simple: we don't need children raising children. Education is empowering; but knowledge applied - that is real power.